He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
