i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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