3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
