dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
