didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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