Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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