i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Who died my cat blue again?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
