i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
