so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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