Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
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Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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