The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
