I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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