I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
