her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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