I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
