i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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