i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
