i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
