I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
