Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
