I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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