If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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