I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
