Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
