Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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