Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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