I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sorry my hands just texted you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
