ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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