I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
