He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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