Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
