Heybabeimwearingurpanties
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
