I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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