you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize