just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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