I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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