I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The struggles of a small town man whore
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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