Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
