you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
