Barsexuality is the new black.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
