I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
