someone get that fucking seahorse.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
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