I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
