I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
