Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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