Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
