Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
