go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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