ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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