i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
