it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I need to align my fucking chakras
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
