She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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