My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
