You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
