easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
