i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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