I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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