Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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