oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
