I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
