i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
