the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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