yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
