if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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