i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
